The Frustrated Voice

The Frustrated Voice
The location of the problem

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Getting used to stepping out of myself

Such turmoil in my life, my daughter and her CCSVI and MS, the cause I am working for, the feeling of having to cope on my own with the planning of trips abroad, the difficult situation at home with mother in law and her dementia, and a husband that spends most of his time out of the house, leaving me to cope with the endless repetition of useless questions and the recurring anxiety attacks that the poor woman suffers.  And on top of all that the turmoil in my heart...

So every so often I step out of myself and look at me and my situation... and am surprised at this new person I have become, at what I have achieved both for myself and for others.  I am surprised at the energy I have displayed and at the resources I have found within myself. I am surprised at the things I have done, thought, felt and want all of this to continue.  This new person with the strong voice, the ability to make decisions, to change my mind, to let go of being right, to look at myself differently and let go of old restrictions and rules I have made for myself.  The few I was still hanging on to that is.  I want to keep this new person, I don't want to go back to the conciliatory person I used to be, I like the warrior me, even if at times I have to contain the aggression, so as not to frighten people off.  I like the easy courage I have found within myself that means I can face most tasks on my own and can ask for the things I need over and over again if necessary.

Would it not be good for this person to endure? I think it would.

1 comment:

Shukmadeekash Gugel-Curry said...

Very useful info. Hope to see more posts soon!

The Boardwalk